Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Where I've been

Man it's been a long time! I have had such a hard time with updating here. When I first started this blog I was sure that the minute I got pregnant I would be on here blogging all the time but apparently that's not the case. During the first trimester I was so exhausted all the time that all I did was go to work and sleep. Now that I finally have more energy every time I sit down to blog I start thinking about all of you girls that haven't gotten pregnant yet. I sit and think about you and know that this really isn't what you want to be reading about right now so I don't post anything. Honestly right after I got pregnant I dealt with a lot of guilt and even some depression. I felt so guilty that I got pregnant while so many others didn't. I had a really hard time even coming to grips with bring pregnant and bonding with my baby at all. I felt so disconnected with my own body and so unable to just be happy. I never ever thought that would be me though. I used to read about pregnant women feeling the same way after infertility but I just *knew* that would never be me. Obviously I was wrong.

Thank you to everyone who has checked up me. You girls are awesome. I'm sorry if I haven't gotten back to you. Hopefully I will be on here posting more updates more frequently.


Lauren said...

I've been wondering where you were and hoping everything was okay. I'm glad to here things are well with the baby. I'm sorry you're having a hard time with guilt about being pregnant, though. I hope you're starting to feel better about it now.

The one thing I have to say is that while I understand you wanting to be sensitive toward people who haven't conceived yet, you can't let that dictate your life and your actions. I know I felt bad when I got pregnant and my infertility blog turned into a pregnancy blog and then a mommy blog. I knew that some people wouldn't want to read about that stuff when they were still struggling with infertility. But at the same time, that was my new life, and I wanted to remember it, what it was like, and how it felt. So even though some people might not like it and I might lose readers, I blogged about it anyway. Because I blog for me and my memories, not to get followers.

Don't let other people's misfortune dampen your joy. It's like not eating because there are starving people in the world. Allow yourself to live your own life - you're pregnant! It's wonderful!

Browniris said...

I have been wondering where you have been, and I am SO glad to hear that things are going okay!

junebug said...

((Hugs)) I'm glad you are doing good! This is why the IF blog world is great and hard. It is such a fluid space with women moving in and out of different phases. I think those who have followed your journey are pleased as punch that you are making it into the next round.(motherhood)
Loves and kisses, Junebug

Samantha said...

So glad to hear that all is well! You have worked so hard for this and deserve every beautiful moment. Hoping the updates continue!!!

Chele said...

OMG! I'm cruising my blog list for the first time in ages and see this wonderfully awesome news! CoCo I'm so very happy for you guys! Wishing you all the best!

To A T said...

So glad to hear things are going well (other than the depression :( I've been there and it sucks) and that you and baby are doing well! 2nd trimester! Holy Cow!! :) Can't wait to hear when your anatomy scan is! (so we can see more pics of that beautiful bean!)

Thinking of and praying for you girl!

Steph O. said...

I'm glad you're doing well & overjoyed that this pg is progressing. :)

I understand what you're saying. I agree with the other posters though. Keep blogging, tell us about your pg & little one. I usually feel let down when someone from the IF community gets pg then disappears. It feels like "thanks for helping me through a dark part in my life, I'm gonna go be happy on my own now". KWIM? I'm not sure that makes sense even to me.

Update when you can & please ENJOY what you've worked so hard for! :)