Thursday, June 9, 2011

Can I handle it?

I know. I'm a really bad blogging friend. I tell you that I'm having follicle issues and then disappear for two and a half weeks. We did end up having the IUI with something like 60 million sperm so everything went well there. In the mean time I've been super busy. One of my little sisters got married out of state, hubs is having job issues, my boss is in an eternal bad mood, and I've had more than my fair share of family drama. I've also been using progesterone vaginally twice a day which I think I'm developing some kind of allergic reaction to. I dread each morning and night because I spend them irritated and itching like crazy in my lady parts, which isn't exactly sexy, let me tell you.
Anyway, I have actually been avoiding y'all. It feels like if I don't sit down the write about what's going on then I don't have to think about it or deal with it. In fact I have avoided the subject so much that I had a mini panic attack this afternoon when I suddenly realized that my beta is tomorrow morning. To say that I'm scared is a big understatement. For some reason I feel completely incapable of handling this right now. I don't feel like I can handle answering the questions from other people. I don't feel like I ca handle my husbands reaction, whatever it may be. I don't feel like I can handle not knowing what the future will hold for us. All I can do is pray that God will give me the strength to do all of that.
I will be testing on my own in the morning. If it wasn't for work I would just wait for the beta but I feel like I need to be able to prepare myself for a negative by myself. I'll let y'all know as soon as I can.


Christine said...

Praying for you!!!!