Sunday, June 26, 2011

6 weeks 5 days today!

This past Friday we had our first ultrasound at the RE's. We got to see our sweet baby and his or her heartbeat!! The heartbeat was 114 and started bawling the minute I heard it... It was awesome. The thought that something that small has a heart that is beating and is living inside of me just blows me away. The dr said that if she goes by my last period I am 7 weeks but the baby is measuring at 6 weeks. She isn't concerned about it though because my follicles took a long time to mature so we ended up doing the IUI about a week late. They also did some blood work and found out that my thyroid is low again so they are upping the dose from 50mcg to 75mcg. It worries me a little but the nurse assured me that it is normal for women with thyroid issues to have to adjust their mess during pregnancy and that they would continue to keep a close eye on it. She wants to see me back in two weeks for another ultrasound and wants me to make an appt with my OBGYN for 4 weeks from now.

So far things have been going really well. My symptoms are pretty textbook so far.
*I'm pretty nauseous every morning until about 12:00 or 1:00. Luckily I haven't thrown up yet which I am extremely grateful for. I am having to get up a little earlier than normal so that I can eat breakfast first instead of waiting till I'm leaving like I normally do. Also my mom bought me some Sea bands which I think are helping but I'm not sure.
*Before I got pregnant I never ever woke up in the middle night. Now I get up between 3:00am to 3:05am every single morning to pee.
*I'm thirsty for water all the time.
*I'm feeling slightly moody but I'm trying really hard to reign that one it as I know that it's only going to get worse.

It's weird to me how different I feel emotionally about this pregnancy compared to the last one. Sometimes I have to work really hard at letting myself get excited but I supposed that's probably normal right? I just feel so much more logical this time around if that makes sense. Honestly it's hard to put it into words. Slowly though I'm adjusting to the idea that I'm allowed to be happy about this.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

2nd beta

I had my second beta today. My hcg is 1,581, which I am quite pleased with! The nurse said that is progressing beautifully. She also said that my progesterone was just above 15 and they want it to be at a 20 so they are having me increase the prometrium to 3 times a day. That has me a little concerned but she told me that it isn't anything that I should worry about.

I've been having some cramping today, which I know is normal at this point but it's so unnerving. I also know that it could be due to the low progesterone but I still can't stop wondering if this will end in a miscarriage. Tonight I saw a tiny speck of blood on the toilet paper so now I'm even more freaked out. I guess at this point I'm going to try and force myself to go to sleep... There really isn't anything else I can do right?

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, June 13, 2011

Having anxiety

It's so hard to describe what I'm feeling right now. Sometimes I feel so guarded about letting myself get excited and others I am dreaming of holding a baby. I've already had a meltdown about whether or not we can do this. It just seems like I can't really decide how I feel. Don't get me wrong, of course I'm beyond happy but I'm so scared too.

This morning I took another HPT in hopes of calming some of my anxieties. Below is the result. The top one is from Friday.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Results

My nurse just called...I asked her to hold on a minute and when I came back I told her that I had stepped away from my desk. Her response was "why? You don't want everyone to hear that your pregnant?" and paused. It took me a minute and I started shaking once I realized she said I am pregnant!! She said the progesterone looks great and my beta was 366!!!!!
Honestly I think I'm in shock.. I don't even know what to feel other than elated right now!!

Sent from my iPhone

Cautiosly optimistic

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Can I handle it?

I know. I'm a really bad blogging friend. I tell you that I'm having follicle issues and then disappear for two and a half weeks. We did end up having the IUI with something like 60 million sperm so everything went well there. In the mean time I've been super busy. One of my little sisters got married out of state, hubs is having job issues, my boss is in an eternal bad mood, and I've had more than my fair share of family drama. I've also been using progesterone vaginally twice a day which I think I'm developing some kind of allergic reaction to. I dread each morning and night because I spend them irritated and itching like crazy in my lady parts, which isn't exactly sexy, let me tell you.
Anyway, I have actually been avoiding y'all. It feels like if I don't sit down the write about what's going on then I don't have to think about it or deal with it. In fact I have avoided the subject so much that I had a mini panic attack this afternoon when I suddenly realized that my beta is tomorrow morning. To say that I'm scared is a big understatement. For some reason I feel completely incapable of handling this right now. I don't feel like I can handle answering the questions from other people. I don't feel like I ca handle my husbands reaction, whatever it may be. I don't feel like I can handle not knowing what the future will hold for us. All I can do is pray that God will give me the strength to do all of that.
I will be testing on my own in the morning. If it wasn't for work I would just wait for the beta but I feel like I need to be able to prepare myself for a negative by myself. I'll let y'all know as soon as I can.