Thank you for the comments on my last post! Sometimes it's good to hear that I'm not the only one who can't hold it together all the time! I ended up POASing that day and it was negative. Even though it was midday and not FMU I'm sure that it was accurate. The spotting and cramping stopped the next day so I chalk it up to my body just acting funky.
There is something that I have been wanting to post about for a while now but I haven't been sure whether this is the right place to do it. I do not want to hurt feelings or offend anyone but at the same time since it involves online friends I can't really talk to real life friends about it. I really need to get it off my chest though so I hope that those involved can understand that.
A while ago (as in years) I joined an online message board for TTC. I met a bunch of wonderful women there and learned a ton. There was a specific group though that I connected with and we soon broke off into our own group. There were eight women total who were all at different stages of TTC with me being the one who had been trying the longest. Fairly soon after that 4 got pregnant and 2 "dropped out". The four of us that were left have all had to deal with IF in one form or another. The three girls have all gone on to have successful IVFs and are either parenting or pregnant.
Now let me pause here and say that I am nothing but over the moon for these women! Seeing pictures of their babies brings a smile to my face because I know how hard their parents worked for them.
However, this doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to be the last one. When we started our group we all knew that one of us would eventually be the last girl standing and talked about it often. We even often talked about how there would be "no girl left behind"! We promised each other that we would be there to support each other no matter how long it took. Now that I am that girl I often think about how naive that was of us. Let's face it, when you are basking in the happiness of your pregnancy or baby you don't want to be reliving the sadness of IF through someone else. I would love to say that if it was the other way around I would give the girl left behind support but honestly i don't know that.
Part of me wants to blame these girls for the lack of support I have received from them. I mean I have supported them through IUIs, IVFs, and pregnancies, why can't they support me? But a bigger part of me can't blame them. Like I said before they are focused on other things.
Again I don't want anyone to take this post the wrong way. I have been thinking about this for a while now and have needed to get it off my chest. I love all these girls dearly and only wish the best for them. I have spent a lot of time praying for them and their bundles of joy and don't regret that at all.
I also want to say thank you to those of you that continue to keep up with me on Facebook and leave me comments on the few sporadic posts that I do write. I cherish those notes and sometimes read them several times.
All in all I think this had taught me to lean on myself a lot more. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I dont always need to run to someone with every little thing. And that's a good thing right? ;)
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