Wednesday, March 9, 2011


Thank you for the comments on my last post! Sometimes it's good to hear that I'm not the only one who can't hold it together all the time! I ended up POASing that day and it was negative. Even though it was midday and not FMU I'm sure that it was accurate. The spotting and cramping stopped the next day so I chalk it up to my body just acting funky.

There is something that I have been wanting to post about for a while now but I haven't been sure whether this is the right place to do it. I do not want to hurt feelings or offend anyone but at the same time since it involves online friends I can't really talk to real life friends about it. I really need to get it off my chest though so I hope that those involved can understand that.

A while ago (as in years) I joined an online message board for TTC. I met a bunch of wonderful women there and learned a ton. There was a specific group though that I connected with and we soon broke off into our own group. There were eight women total who were all at different stages of TTC with me being the one who had been trying the longest. Fairly soon after that 4 got pregnant and 2 "dropped out". The four of us that were left have all had to deal with IF in one form or another. The three girls have all gone on to have successful IVFs and are either parenting or pregnant.
Now let me pause here and say that I am nothing but over the moon for these women! Seeing pictures of their babies brings a smile to my face because I know how hard their parents worked for them.
However, this doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to be the last one. When we started our group we all knew that one of us would eventually be the last girl standing and talked about it often. We even often talked about how there would be "no girl left behind"! We promised each other that we would be there to support each other no matter how long it took. Now that I am that girl I often think about how naive that was of us. Let's face it, when you are basking in the happiness of your pregnancy or baby you don't want to be reliving the sadness of IF through someone else. I would love to say that if it was the other way around I would give the girl left behind support but honestly i don't know that.
Part of me wants to blame these girls for the lack of support I have received from them. I mean I have supported them through IUIs, IVFs, and pregnancies, why can't they support me? But a bigger part of me can't blame them. Like I said before they are focused on other things.
Again I don't want anyone to take this post the wrong way. I have been thinking about this for a while now and have needed to get it off my chest. I love all these girls dearly and only wish the best for them. I have spent a lot of time praying for them and their bundles of joy and don't regret that at all.
I also want to say thank you to those of you that continue to keep up with me on Facebook and leave me comments on the few sporadic posts that I do write. I cherish those notes and sometimes read them several times.
All in all I think this had taught me to lean on myself a lot more. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I dont always need to run to someone with every little thing. And that's a good thing right? ;)

Sent from my iPhone


Summer {athena in the middle} said...

i know. i am here for you. i am. i get it. last one. bah. much love. said...

Hey Nichole,
I'm so sorry that you felt like we abandoned you. I know that I can only speak for myself when I say that it wasn't my intention in any way for you to feel like I wasn't supporting you. I honestly didn't know how best to offer you support. For me, the easiest way to cheer someone on is through the blog land. I didn't want to send you emails or FB messages asking how you were doing because I felt like if you wanted me (us) to know, you would share it in an email or blog post. Basically, I didn't want to intrude on your world and be that annoying person asking "so how is it going?"

For me, I found that I only got support from the others when I wrote or emailed. It was never unsolicited, kwim? So basically what I'm saying is that sometimes the best way to get support is to ask for it. Or just blog about it here!

I'm always here for you. I hope you know that. Yes, my time is reallocated differently these days but I still make time for "old" friends :) Most of my blog reading is done on my Droid which makes it hard to comment, but I got to the computer to respond to your post on this.

Sending you love Coco. I send you love all the time.


Lauren said...

I know I'm not part of that original group you're talking about, but I AM an old TTC friend who has gone on to successfully have a baby. I probably comment on about half of your posts (it's hard to know for sure, since you do only blog sporadically), but I don't comment on everything. To be honest, the reason for that is that I am always afraid that when I DO comment it will somehow be like shoving my success in your face... KWIM? I don't ever want you to make you feel worse because I commented and reminded you that there was one more person out there who suffered IF and DOES have a baby.

And I do know some people IRL who have suffered IF longer than me, and some of them completely ignore me when I DO specifically reach out and email them. Others do reply, but I think it pisses some of them off because they're bitter that I have a kid now.

I think one of the best ways to continue to receive support with your online friends is to keep blogging! This way we all know what is going on in your life, and we can send you hugs and advice and let you know that we're out here reading :)


Lauren said...

Ok, I double checked all the posts from the past 3 months, and I have commented on all but 2 of them, and one of them was a picture. I haven't forgotten about you!!! I still think of you!!

Amanda said...

I'm kicking myself, because so many times I have thought, "I need to send Coco an email and see how she's doing with all this." And then for some reason, I never did. It's hard to know if you are overstepping boundaries or bothering someone, but I have definitely learned that asking how someone is doing is always better than being "polite" and trying not to pester them. So I apologize for not reaching out of late. I really do think about you often and hope that you have a better support system IRL because, let's face it, the support that we were to each other has kinda disintegrated. When I try to put myself in your shoes, I can see why this would bother you and how hard this must be. Just know that you are loved and thoughts are coming your way even if email/comments are few and far between.

junebug said...

I feel ya, girl. It is hard to explain because it is not a slight at the ones who succeed. It is just we get left behind by our IRL friends, then we find an awesome group online and then we get left behind by them to. So we have to keep trying to find where we fit in when all we really want is to be with all our friends without sadness squeezing our heart.
In my group, since I joined the TTC, there are only three including me that have not gotten that positive. One has actually quit trying but the other two of us has been at it for eight years. I got news from four people this week alone about their happy news. My sadness has nothing to do with them. It is all about me. People can take my being quiet as bitter but it is not bitterness. I'm simply sad and I don't want my sadness to dampen their joy in any way because they deserve.
Love you babe and I really do feel the same way.