Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Picture dump

20 weeks

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

21 weeks

How far along: 21 weeks 3 days

Size of baby: 10.8 in 12.7 oz/ about the length of a banana

Total weight gain/loss: As of Sunday I'm at -8 lbs. How I'm doing that, I have no idea. Weekend before last I got really sick and lost another 2 lbs which put me at -10 but I've since gained it back. So really I've been holding steady at my current weight since my first trimester. I have talked to my dr about it and she says that it is perfectly fine since I was slightly overweight to begin with so I'm not worried about it. Im sure it won't last much longer though!

Maternity clothes: Here and there. I'm still able to get by wearing a belly band with my pre-pregnancy pants but I do have a pair of maternity pants that work too. Some of my longer pre-pregnancy tops still work too but Im also wearing a few maternity tops as well. 

Gender: it's a boy!!! We had our gender ultrasound and the tech pretty much had no question in her mind that there was a little wiener there! Honestly it's taken me some time to get used to the idea but I'm getting more and more excited! I'll post pics in a few minutes since blogger has been giving me problems doing pics and text in one post. 

Movement: finally!! This past Friday I finally felt little guy move for the first time! It was awesome! Movement really hasn't been consistent since then but I do feel him rolling around every once in a while and I love it! 

Sleep: thankfully sleeping is still going great. I'm sleeping through the night with no issue. My only complaint is that I'm always hot but I can deal with that. :)

What I miss: I still miss sleeping on my back. Hubs is constantly waking me up and tell me to roll onto my side because I always end up there! 

Cravings: not really anything. I've always been a thirsty person so it hasn't surprised me that I'm constantly wanting ice water. I don't even know I'd that counts as a craving though!

Pain: round ligament pain seems to be gone and the hip pain seems to be getting more sporadic. I've also been have random cramps in my side like after you run right after eating. Again though it's pretty sporadic and nothing I can't manage.

Best moment this week: My mom found a practically new stroller for $65 at a garage sale and for some reason seeing it made this all really real for the hubs!

Best comment of the week: several people have told me that I have "just popped" and other have said that I'm "all belly". 

What I'm looking forward to: tomorrow we go and take a tour of a near by birthing center.

Milestones: Baby C is starting to add some fat and now is capable of rapid eye movement (REM).

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

17w5d continued

***for some reason blogger won't post my pic and text in the same post.. So sorry about the multiple posts!***


How far along: 17 weeks 5 days


Size of baby: Around 5 inches long and weighs about 5 ounces. *however* at my last ultrasound my dr told me thy my baby is "huge" so I'm betting it's a little more than that.

Total weight gain/loss: I lost around 8 pounds since I found out I was pregnant. As of the beginning of the week, I have gained 1.5-2 of that back depending on the scale I use. We will see at my appt tomorrow.

Maternity Clothes: A while back I bought the Target brand belly band and it is the best thing I could have purchased! Since I only have one pair of pants left that fit it allows me to wear all of my work pants and jeans still. I have bought a couple of shirts since they were on sale and one pair of maternity pants that apparently I'm not big enough for yet.

Gender: We found out at the end of the month!! I have no idea what it is and hubby is positive that it's a girl.

Movement: Argh! This has been a big source of stress for me! It seems like everyone I talk to tells me how they had been feeling their baby move for weeks by now and I'm feeling nothing. I do know that it's completely normal for me to not feel it yet but it's just something for my anxiety to grasp hold of. Hopefully my fears will be put to rest at my appointment tomorrow.

What I miss: Sleeping on my back. I never realized how much I did that until I try not to do it anymore!

Cravings: I haven't really had any yet. It seems like once I have something I want once then that's the end of it.

Symptoms: *slight tiredness
*frequent urination
*painful sex :(
*sore boobs at night
*moodiness
*random pains on the left side of my pelvic area

Best moment this week: Having several people tell me that I look pregnant!

What I'm looking forward to: again, feeling baby move!

Milestones: Baby is becoming capable of hearing and reacting to sounds!

17w5d

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17w5d

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Where I've been

Man it's been a long time! I have had such a hard time with updating here. When I first started this blog I was sure that the minute I got pregnant I would be on here blogging all the time but apparently that's not the case. During the first trimester I was so exhausted all the time that all I did was go to work and sleep. Now that I finally have more energy every time I sit down to blog I start thinking about all of you girls that haven't gotten pregnant yet. I sit and think about you and know that this really isn't what you want to be reading about right now so I don't post anything. Honestly right after I got pregnant I dealt with a lot of guilt and even some depression. I felt so guilty that I got pregnant while so many others didn't. I had a really hard time even coming to grips with bring pregnant and bonding with my baby at all. I felt so disconnected with my own body and so unable to just be happy. I never ever thought that would be me though. I used to read about pregnant women feeling the same way after infertility but I just *knew* that would never be me. Obviously I was wrong.

Thank you to everyone who has checked up me. You girls are awesome. I'm sorry if I haven't gotten back to you. Hopefully I will be on here posting more updates more frequently.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

6 weeks 5 days today!

This past Friday we had our first ultrasound at the RE's. We got to see our sweet baby and his or her heartbeat!! The heartbeat was 114 and started bawling the minute I heard it... It was awesome. The thought that something that small has a heart that is beating and is living inside of me just blows me away. The dr said that if she goes by my last period I am 7 weeks but the baby is measuring at 6 weeks. She isn't concerned about it though because my follicles took a long time to mature so we ended up doing the IUI about a week late. They also did some blood work and found out that my thyroid is low again so they are upping the dose from 50mcg to 75mcg. It worries me a little but the nurse assured me that it is normal for women with thyroid issues to have to adjust their mess during pregnancy and that they would continue to keep a close eye on it. She wants to see me back in two weeks for another ultrasound and wants me to make an appt with my OBGYN for 4 weeks from now.

So far things have been going really well. My symptoms are pretty textbook so far.
*I'm pretty nauseous every morning until about 12:00 or 1:00. Luckily I haven't thrown up yet which I am extremely grateful for. I am having to get up a little earlier than normal so that I can eat breakfast first instead of waiting till I'm leaving like I normally do. Also my mom bought me some Sea bands which I think are helping but I'm not sure.
*Before I got pregnant I never ever woke up in the middle night. Now I get up between 3:00am to 3:05am every single morning to pee.
*I'm thirsty for water all the time.
*I'm feeling slightly moody but I'm trying really hard to reign that one it as I know that it's only going to get worse.

It's weird to me how different I feel emotionally about this pregnancy compared to the last one. Sometimes I have to work really hard at letting myself get excited but I supposed that's probably normal right? I just feel so much more logical this time around if that makes sense. Honestly it's hard to put it into words. Slowly though I'm adjusting to the idea that I'm allowed to be happy about this.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

2nd beta

I had my second beta today. My hcg is 1,581, which I am quite pleased with! The nurse said that is progressing beautifully. She also said that my progesterone was just above 15 and they want it to be at a 20 so they are having me increase the prometrium to 3 times a day. That has me a little concerned but she told me that it isn't anything that I should worry about.

I've been having some cramping today, which I know is normal at this point but it's so unnerving. I also know that it could be due to the low progesterone but I still can't stop wondering if this will end in a miscarriage. Tonight I saw a tiny speck of blood on the toilet paper so now I'm even more freaked out. I guess at this point I'm going to try and force myself to go to sleep... There really isn't anything else I can do right?

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Monday, June 13, 2011

Having anxiety

It's so hard to describe what I'm feeling right now. Sometimes I feel so guarded about letting myself get excited and others I am dreaming of holding a baby. I've already had a meltdown about whether or not we can do this. It just seems like I can't really decide how I feel. Don't get me wrong, of course I'm beyond happy but I'm so scared too.

This morning I took another HPT in hopes of calming some of my anxieties. Below is the result. The top one is from Friday.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Results

My nurse just called...I asked her to hold on a minute and when I came back I told her that I had stepped away from my desk. Her response was "why? You don't want everyone to hear that your pregnant?" and paused. It took me a minute and I started shaking once I realized she said I am pregnant!! She said the progesterone looks great and my beta was 366!!!!!
Honestly I think I'm in shock.. I don't even know what to feel other than elated right now!!

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Cautiosly optimistic

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Can I handle it?

I know. I'm a really bad blogging friend. I tell you that I'm having follicle issues and then disappear for two and a half weeks. We did end up having the IUI with something like 60 million sperm so everything went well there. In the mean time I've been super busy. One of my little sisters got married out of state, hubs is having job issues, my boss is in an eternal bad mood, and I've had more than my fair share of family drama. I've also been using progesterone vaginally twice a day which I think I'm developing some kind of allergic reaction to. I dread each morning and night because I spend them irritated and itching like crazy in my lady parts, which isn't exactly sexy, let me tell you.
Anyway, I have actually been avoiding y'all. It feels like if I don't sit down the write about what's going on then I don't have to think about it or deal with it. In fact I have avoided the subject so much that I had a mini panic attack this afternoon when I suddenly realized that my beta is tomorrow morning. To say that I'm scared is a big understatement. For some reason I feel completely incapable of handling this right now. I don't feel like I can handle answering the questions from other people. I don't feel like I ca handle my husbands reaction, whatever it may be. I don't feel like I can handle not knowing what the future will hold for us. All I can do is pray that God will give me the strength to do all of that.
I will be testing on my own in the morning. If it wasn't for work I would just wait for the beta but I feel like I need to be able to prepare myself for a negative by myself. I'll let y'all know as soon as I can.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Late bloomers

Today I had an ultrasound to check my follicles. Usually by CD12 I have several decent sized follicles so they tell me to come back in 48 hours for another check and then they schedule the insemination. Today I had one on the right side at 11 with several small ones and about 17 small ones on the left side that she didn't even bother to measure. She said that for some reason the 11 really jumped ahead of the others but she wants to give them some more time. So I go back on Thursday morning to check them again. The dr said that if they are still behind then she may put me on some more clomid. Part of me is happy because I am really hoping for a Saturday insemination so I won't have to miss any work but I definitely DON'T want to take anymore clomid. I have been on a freakin rollercoaster with my emotions this weekend!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Getting back on the wagon

After another failed medicated cycle in March, the hubs and I decided that we would take the month of April off to work on ourselves. We started the 30 Day Shred together, cut way back on red meat, sweets and just tried to be healthier. Our goal in doing this was to lose a few pounds and know that when we did another treatment we would have done everything in our power to make it work. Of course the hubs has lost at least 6 pounds and I have lost none but that's no surprise is it? Thanks PCOS!

Anyway, this past Monday I had my pap and annual with my OBGYN. After her usual upbeat talk about how this would be the last time I would see her not pregnant she asked why I had not been put on Metformin yet. I told her that my RE doesn't use it to treat PCOS. According to her I should be on it from now until about 12 weeks into pregnancy. The problem is that she won't prescribe it to me while my RE is treating me. She asked me to talk to him about it and sent me on my way with wishes of luck.

So on Friday I started to spot and I called to report my day 1 for a Clomid/IUI cycle!! By Saturday morning when I went in for my baseline u/s any bleeding had completely spotted which had me really worried. Apparently though this is completely normal with PCOS and can be considered a period. So I had the u/s and have no cysts and my follicles look great. Once I sat up and was in a more dignified position (although I did have no underwear on) I asked him about the Metformin. He says that while there has been a study done that shows it to be beneficial there has also been another study done (which he gave me an article on) that shows that there really isn't a benefit unless the patient has glucose or insulin intolerance and that use during pregnancy should be left to the obstetrician. So he agree to test me so on Wednesday I will have a 2 hour Glucose tolerance test and we will go from there.

So there you have it... I'm back on the treatment wagon. Some days I feel super excited about it and some days I feel like there is no way this is going to work. Any prayers y'all can spare for me would be greatly appreciated! I have lots more to share so hopefully I'll be back soon :)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Updates

Thank you for the comments on my last post. I really needed to get it out and honestly do feel better now. :) I also appreciate everyone being understanding about it and not getting upset.

Things around here have actually been pretty good for the most part! We just got finished moving my grandparents in with my mom and will moving ourselves at the end of the month. Hubs and I are going to be renting a small townhouse and my 20 yr old sister will be staying with us. Although moving is exhausting and hard I kind of like the fact that it forces you to go through all of your stuff, throw out things and do some deep cleaning. It's kind of like a fresh start!

In IF news the hubs has finally agreed that maybe IVF is worth going into debt over. The plan is to put it on a credit card and then pay it off fast. Since we both started new jobs this year we are planning on waiting until life settles down a little to start the process. Honestly part of me is putting it off because it scares the shit out of me. There are so many variables that go into it which makes it hard for me to wrap my brain around it. Sometimes it's easier to say I'll deal with it later than think about all the time money and emotions that go into it. I can't imagine doing all of that and then it failing. Any advice on how to emotionally deal with it all would be greatly appreciated! Also does anyone have any advice about how to help your husband understand it? I've tried to explain what all is involved but when I do I can see his eyes glazing over. :)

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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Support

Thank you for the comments on my last post! Sometimes it's good to hear that I'm not the only one who can't hold it together all the time! I ended up POASing that day and it was negative. Even though it was midday and not FMU I'm sure that it was accurate. The spotting and cramping stopped the next day so I chalk it up to my body just acting funky.

There is something that I have been wanting to post about for a while now but I haven't been sure whether this is the right place to do it. I do not want to hurt feelings or offend anyone but at the same time since it involves online friends I can't really talk to real life friends about it. I really need to get it off my chest though so I hope that those involved can understand that.

A while ago (as in years) I joined an online message board for TTC. I met a bunch of wonderful women there and learned a ton. There was a specific group though that I connected with and we soon broke off into our own group. There were eight women total who were all at different stages of TTC with me being the one who had been trying the longest. Fairly soon after that 4 got pregnant and 2 "dropped out". The four of us that were left have all had to deal with IF in one form or another. The three girls have all gone on to have successful IVFs and are either parenting or pregnant.
Now let me pause here and say that I am nothing but over the moon for these women! Seeing pictures of their babies brings a smile to my face because I know how hard their parents worked for them.
However, this doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to be the last one. When we started our group we all knew that one of us would eventually be the last girl standing and talked about it often. We even often talked about how there would be "no girl left behind"! We promised each other that we would be there to support each other no matter how long it took. Now that I am that girl I often think about how naive that was of us. Let's face it, when you are basking in the happiness of your pregnancy or baby you don't want to be reliving the sadness of IF through someone else. I would love to say that if it was the other way around I would give the girl left behind support but honestly i don't know that.
Part of me wants to blame these girls for the lack of support I have received from them. I mean I have supported them through IUIs, IVFs, and pregnancies, why can't they support me? But a bigger part of me can't blame them. Like I said before they are focused on other things.
Again I don't want anyone to take this post the wrong way. I have been thinking about this for a while now and have needed to get it off my chest. I love all these girls dearly and only wish the best for them. I have spent a lot of time praying for them and their bundles of joy and don't regret that at all.
I also want to say thank you to those of you that continue to keep up with me on Facebook and leave me comments on the few sporadic posts that I do write. I cherish those notes and sometimes read them several times.
All in all I think this had taught me to lean on myself a lot more. I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I dont always need to run to someone with every little thing. And that's a good thing right? ;)

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Sunday, March 6, 2011

This is going to be random and out of the blue. Please excuse any errors and choppiness... Im not in the best frame of mind.
Six days ago on CD 21 started lightly spotting. For two days I spotted so lightly that it was only visible when I wiped after using the restroom. Since my doctor has told me in the past to count any sign of blood as day 1 (because of pcos) I went and picked up the femara and started it on day 3. My bleeding never got any heavier and was gone midway through day 3. Today (day 6) I started cramping and spotting again. Now I know that this is probably just another screwed up thing that my body is doing but I can't help my thoughts from running wild. In my crazy, anxiety ridden, infertile mind I can't help but to think that I was pregnant and took femara and am now miscarrying. I know that this is most likely not the case but it's like my mind is spinning around and around with the possibilites. Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I have a normal body and not have to worry about things like this? I know that I'm not the only one who has a mind that does this. How do y'all keep from losing it?

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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Opinions wanted!

Gotta make this quick since im on my lunch at work...
This cycle i am back on Femara. (yay!) Today is CD9. I have been sick since Friday night with a bad virus. The dr has me on steroids and something for my cough. This morning when I pottied there was bright red blood on the TP. When I went again about an hour later there was still some but not as much as before. Now its down to brown spotting. I havent ever had any issues with break through bleeding on femara before. Should I just chalk it up to being sick and on meds? Anybody have any experience with this?

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