Friday, November 27, 2009

I have started this post a billion times and I delete it every time. Somehow no post seems to convey my feelings, or seem eloquent enough for the situation. And honestly, it just hurts to bad to try and relive the things that happened on Wednesday. Hopefully I will be able to. Just not now, not while I am just trying to make it through the day.

On Wednesday I began to miscarry my baby. The baby that I loved with my entire being. The baby that brought joy not only to me and my husband but to everyone close to us.

I know that I only knew about that baby for 4 days but the things is, that was MY baby. I loved that baby from the minute it was conceived and I will love that baby until I die.

Wednesday was probably the hardest day I have ever lived so far. I actually remember saying that I felt like I was dying inside. But, I made it through. Made it through Wednesday, made it through Thursday and in one minute I will have made it through Friday. I will make it, I just need some time.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Update of all updates

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint..."
Psalms 6:1-2

So, yeah, it's been a while. I have been trying really hard to not focus on all the bad aspects of infertility and not blogging seemed to help with that. I did take Femara this cycle so that I would actually have some type of chance though. The 2 week wait has actually been pretty good. I did have one fairly bad breakdown. I started having some cramps and was feeling VERY emotional. Since that day I have been tired, emotional, and hungry all the time with super sore boobies which is pretty normal AF symptoms for me. The thing is as of this morning (CD 34-4 days late) I hadn't started or had any spotting. So I went to the dollar store and picked up some cheapies. Here are the results from this morning:

Because the dye is smeared in the first one and the second line in the second one is so faint I had myself convinced that they were both evap lines or false positives. I sat around for hours until I finally woke hubs up to look at them. He said that he saw the lines but wasn't going to believe it until he saw something more definitive. At that point I took some pics of them and sent them to some girlfriends who are also struggling with IF. After a long lovely shower with the hubs ;) I got an email back saying that I needed to get my butt to the store to get a FRER. Hubs left for work and I left for the grocery store.

After paying for the tests I went straight to the bathroom and POAS(yes I POAS in a public bathroom :). This is what I got without even using FMU:

That's right ladies!! I am pregnant!

So, I drove over to Hub's work and had him meet me in the parking lot. I handed him the test and started hysterically laughing. I would say "I'm pregnant" and he would say "No your not" between giggles. He kept saying that we didn't know until I went to the doctor and I kept saying "but I KNOW!" We hugged and I cried, I'm sure we looked a bit weird. I think it is going to take some time for him to adjust to the idea, but I know that he is happy. EEEE!

After about 22 months of TTC, The Lord has answered my prayers. God is so good.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever."

Psalms 107:1