Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Murphy's Law

The phrase, "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong" pretty much sums up Murphy's Law. You know when you have those days where you wake up late, car won't start, your late to work, and your boss screams at you all day? Yeah, that's Murphy's Law.

I pretty much feel like that's my life right now. At least the TTC part of my life and we all know that part takes over all the other parts. The only thing that has gotten me through is God. I have had to realize that I can't control my life, only He can.

I would like to start off by saying that neither my husband or I have degrees. We are blue-collar working people. This has been our choice. We are not by any means well off but we do well for ourselves. We pay all of our bills, are paying off our debt, and still have money to eat, buy clothing, and do fun things. Our money is planned out every paycheck and once it's gone, it's gone. With that said...

The original plan for these coming cycles was to take a month off, save as much as possible and put the rest of the costs of an IUI on the credit card. During that month, though, we decided that would be a irresponsible thing to do. The new plan was to wait until we had the full $1,000 saved so we could pay for the IUI in cash. I felt really good about that decision. We were able to put $300 away in the first week because of hubs' bonus.

It's in His hands, in his Hands, He has a plan, He has a plan

On the 2nd of this month, we got a letter from the apartment complex saying that the carpet from the old apartment had to be completely replaced. This didn't come as much of a surprise to because I live with a man who thinks it's okay to wear dirty, greasy restaurant shoes in the house. Anyway, back to the letter... The letter stated that we had until the 15th to pay $500 in full or we would be evicted. Seriously? 2 weeks and then evicted?

It's in His hands, It's in His hands, He has a plan, He has a plan

So, we scrambled. Luckily we had the $300 because otherwise we would not have made it. We had enough money to pay our bills, buy some groceries, put gas in the cars and pay the bill for the carpet. That put us that much farther from doing another IUI. It sucked but we dealt.

It's in His hands, It's in His hands, He has a plan, He has a plan

At the end of last week Hub's truck started shaking so hard it was almost undrivable. Of course. We took it to the mechanic and dealt with only having one car for a few days. Luckily, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Only another $500.

It's in His hands, It's in His hands, He has a plan, He has a plan

I'm not gonna lie, I'm having a hard time. I feel like this is never going to happen. I feel like we are never going to get pregnant. I'm struggling with depression. I'm defiantly not pulling my own weight around the apartment. My productivity at work is suffering. I'm trying, I really am it's just so hard. The only thing that has kept me from really losing it is repeating to myself over and over,
"It's in His hands, It's in His hands. He has a plan, He has a plan."


Lucky Jones said...

I know exactly how you feel... When it rains it pours, right? Josh and I are also hard working, no degree, honest people. With my IVF having been put off for one thing or another, I felt like it was never going to happen. BUT... It's here, finally. And I too felt like it has all been in God's hands. When I walked out of my job last year, I wasn't working for nearly 2 months, we got by because of Him.

It will happen. I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there! I promise :) if you need anything please let me know!

Stacie said...

Ah, hon. I know how this feels, too. I am so sorry that things keep getting in the way of your ttcing. I believe, though, that you will get there, and when you do, you'll be blessed with your heart's desire. It may take more time that you expected, but it will come. I promise.

I get the depression, too. It is so hard when you feel like what you want is never going to happen. Hugs to you!

junebug said...

Big Hugs!!

Lila said...

I know what your going through - we are having the same money issues. (((HUGS)))

Lauren said...

Oh, Nichole, I'm so sorry. I had no idea these things were happening on top of all the IF stuff, making everything so much worse. (((HUGS)))

Amy said...

If it's not one thing it's another. Life sometime is truly unfair and has a way of testing your strength. But don't let all of these things hold you back. When there is a will there is a way and I truly believe that you will find your way soon enough. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

To A T said...

Huge ((HUGS)) Coco!! I know Murphy can be a real asshole sometimes :( But hang in there! You WILL get through this hun!!

Chele said...

Big Hugs.

Mic said...

I love ya girl :) ((HUGS))