Friday, May 22, 2009

Infertility-Brain

****Edit: I meant to save this post for tomorrow but hit the wrong button... I was gonna delete it but it's already on your go.og.le .read.er so what the heck?****



My last post got me thinking about something. We've all heard of "pregnancy-brain", right? I always hear moms-to-be complaining about how they can't ever remember anything, how scatterbrained they are, or how they feel like they are walking around in a fog. Some scientist thinks it a myth, just an old wives tale but some are starting to consider the fact that it very well may be a truth.

I, personally, think it's very believable. I would imagine that having all of those new hormones in your body probably does do something to the brain. Not to mention, knowing that your world will be completely changing in a few months. I'm sure that constantly thinking about that one thing doesn't leave a lot of room for much else.

The thing is, I keep thinking I have pregnancy-brain (you know, minus the whole pregnancy part). I'm forgetfull, scatterbrained, and have a one track mind. The only thing I ever think about is TTC. I take hormones that make me act crazy, emotional, and stupid.

For instance, sometimes I will be driving home from work and thinking about what CD I am on and when I will O when I suddenly realize that I passed the exit I need to take 2 exits back. Scary, I know. Or the time that hubs took my car to the shop for me. While I was at work, the mechanic called to tell me it was ready so I had my mom drive me to hub's work since I didn't have a key. I waited and waited for him to get done with what he was doing. Finally I asked him for his key. His response: "Why don't you just use your's?" DUH! HE dropped the car off, NOT me! In fact, I had been holding my car key in my hand all along. Oh and guess what I happened to be thinking about? That's right, whether or not I was pregnant.

Sounds a lot like pregnancy-brain to me! Since I'm not pregnant, I think I'll call it "Infertility-brain"! (Or IF-brain, if you want to shorten it :) Anyone else suffering from this condition?

Did I screw it up?!?

You know how when you are TTC you think about your fertility every moment of every day? Yeah, well, by some miracle I didn't for the past two days. I had planned on picking my Clomid up from the pharmacy on Wednesday since I needed to start it on Thursday. I don't know what happened, I guess I just forgot, but I didn't give it another thought. So yesterday, on my way home from work I was moving from stuff from the passenger seat of my car when my instruction sheet from the RE fell to the floor. I instantly freaked, cause yeah I was supposed to start it that day! I calmed down though, cause duh! I can take it before I go to bed. Fast forward to late last night when I fell asleep on the couch. I finally woke up just long enough to drag myself to bed. I NEVER TOOK MY PILLS!!!! I can't believe I forgot this! I mean, really, how do I forget something that I think about every waking moment?!?

I took it this morning... I don't *think* it will mess me up... Thoughts?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Money Question

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how long hubby and I will financially be able to continue TTC with medical intervention. We make enough money to support ourselves but that's pretty much it.
So, my question is this: How did you pay/are you paying/are you going to pay for your fertility treatments?
This is purely for my own curiosity. I know that finances are a private subject so feel free to answer anonymously, email me or not answer at all.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Couple of things...

First of all AF is finally, finally here! I was starting to get worried. Although I am happy to see her, I feel like crappity-crap. Saturday I slept pretty much the entire day. So much so that I figured I must be getting sick but turns out it was the hag. I plan on laying low for the rest of the weekend.

Friday, hubby and I, got the pleasure of spending the afternoon and evening with this little man:



This five year old cutie is hubby's little brother. They went swimming, went out to eat, played with Jade, went grocery shopping.... Other than a few potty accidents and several clothing and underwear changes everything went great. Needless to say hubs was exhausted by the time it was time to go home. It really warmed my heart to see the two of them together. Hubby is going to be an amazing father.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Sista-Hood!

My sista-girl, Lucky Jones, gave me this award...




You should check out her blog! Not only is she crazy creative but she's a pretty cool chick too! I love that girl!

Here are the guidelines for this award:

1) Put the logo on your blog or post.
2) Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
3) Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
4) Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

I nominate:

  • Morgan
  • Steph O.
  • Christine
  • Lila
  • Teresa
  • Ashley (AJ48)
  • Lauren
  • T
  • Emmy
  • Lynn Page

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Provera can suck it

I have always been a very hormonal and emotional person. I cry, a lot. So when I add artificial hormones to that the result is not very pretty. I'm on my fourth day of Provera and I want to scream, punch, cry and kick all at the same time. Everyone I work with is pissing me off. I'm tired my supervisor and lead playing favorites. I'm tired of their favorites treating me like they are better than or above me in some way. I want so badly to tell them all how sick I am of them and walk out of this place. Instead, I will continue to sit here, take the crap and hold back the tears. Gotta have a job right?

The side effects don't end there though! Oh no! My feet look like the little balloons with toes. Water retention? Check! I have enough gas to power an 18 wheeler across the country. (I maybe be exaggerating a little) This is a sure sign for me that AF is on her way and she is gearing up to be a bitch. I'm so excited.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Mother's Day Sucks!

Morning yall!


So I POAS this morning, BFN. I'm going to call this morning to get
the Provera. It's just so weird because I keep thinking that AF will
be here any minute now. My boobs are killing me, my face is broken
out and I'm exhausted but since I've been like this for a week, I
guess it's just a fluke.

This morning I got to work and found a pink rose and a card on my
desk. Turns out one of the older ladies I work with brought all the
moms on our team a rose and mother's day card. For some reason she
thought that I had two babies. Ouch. I gave my mom the rose cause I
just couldn't stand to look at it without crying. Hopefully the rest
of the day will go better.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

My old Journal Part 2

For today's journal entry I'm going to give you a few excerpts from a few posts...

Dear Journal,
Today was great! There's this new guy in my English, Math and Social Studies class. He's so so cute! All the girls like him, I can tell. (I think he knows it too)....


Dear Journal,
I stayed home from school today. I feel awful, but of course me and mom got into a fight. School's going fine. Right now there's not really anybody at church or school that I like. .... Mom says I might start my period sometime soon. I can't wait!! If I find anybody reading this I'm going to be very mad!


Dear Journal,
I don't like that new guy anymore. There's this really cute guy in most of my classes, his name is Mark! But I still like Leonardo DiCaprio the best!...


Dear Journal,
I still haven't gotten my period yet. Mom won't let me shave in the shower, either!


Dear Journal,
Wuz up? Today is Megan's B-Day. We went to Chuckie-Cheese for it. There were a bunch of really cute guys there and one that looked about my age smiled at me! Ahh!...

My body is screwing with me

I can't figure out what is going on with my body! (what else is new?) Still no AF but I am having some PMS symptoms. Since I can't seem to figure it out maybe yall can help me? Here a timeline of what's been up:

02/26-03/03: Normal AF

03/14: IUI

03/17-03/30: Prometrium

03/28: Negative Beta

04/02-04/03: light spotting, no full AF. My RN wasn't sure what to make of this. She said that it could very well be just a light AF and could start me on Provera if I wanted. Since I knew I was going to be taking a break we decided to just see what happened.

05/02: BFN

I know that it is more than likely just an annovulatory cycle but the thing is that every other time I have had them AF has been longer than 2 days.
I need to just bite the bullet and make the call for Provera don't I?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My old Journal

The other day I was looking for a book to read when I found my old journal from my preteen/early teenage years.. Reading it, I realized that I was probably the worst journal-er ever. I would write for two days and skip 6 months. Some of the entries are pretty funny so I am going to share some with you over the next few days! :)

"Dear Journal,
I'm writing kind of early because I have something on my mind. Mom says that by the time school starts I'll start shaving my underarms! Heather and Megan (
little sisters) are growing boobs faster than me! But I'm getting pretty big!!" ...

Classic 12 year old girl isn't it?

Monday, May 4, 2009

  • I am thinking REALLY want a photoshop program for my laptop... anyone have any recommendations?


  • Hubs and I went to see the new X-Men movie on Saturday. We are both huge X-Men fans so we both loved it. Soo many cute guys in it!


  • Friday night we went to the Kenny Chesney concert. Lady Antebellum was one of the openers and hubby got to meet Hillary! He thinks she is super hot so that made his week!


  • Still no AF... The nurse never called me back on Saturday. I haven't called back yet because I think I am going to wait a few more days. Our anniversary is at the end of the month and we are talking about going to the coast. I don't want to be starting AF then so I think I'll just push it back. Who knows though, by the end of the day I may be ready to get this started.... :)

  • Didn't do to much on Sunday, just church, errands, and a nap.


  • My "little" brother Nick competed in the Texas Fight Fest 11 on Saturday night! He does MMA. Anyway, he won and I am so proud! He now holds both the Cruiserweight Champion title and the Middleweight Champion title for TAMMA (Texas Ameture Mixed Martial Arts)!



***Sorry the pic is so big... can't figure out how to make it smaller...

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Why do I do this to myself?

So I POAS this morning and got a BFN of course. The funny thing is that I had convinced myself that I was pg. I have been exhausted all the time and for the past two days I have been nauseous all the time, except when I'm eating. I guess I either a) have a stomach bug or b) am having some weird PMS symptom. It's funny to me that I can convince myself that I could get pg on a "break cycle". I mean, I know I have PCOS, I know I don't ovulate on my own!

I called the RE this morning (they are open on Sat) but haven't heard back yet. I'm assuming that they will want to start me on Provera since I never really got a full AF last cycle, just spotting. I took Provera once before and had a hell of a time. It made me so depressed that I was having a hard time functioning. By far, it was the worst period I had ever had. Because of that I will probably wait until Monday to start taking just to give AF a few more days to start on her own. Dang I hate this.