Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pain

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more." ---Me.redith Grey, Gre.ys Ana.to.my


Today has been rough for no good reason at all. I woke up in a bad mood and it has followed me throughout the day. I don't want to talk to or be around anyone. The smallest annoyances make me want to punch somebody in the face. I just need to go home and go to bed because I am exhausted. Sure I went to bed a little late the past two nights but not late enough to make me feel like this. Therefore, I think I am PMSing and that just makes it worse. It doesn't make it worse because I don't want AF to show, because I would gladly welcome some sign of normalcy. It makes my mood worse because that means that we (I) need to make a decision about what we are going to do this next cycle.

ugh

I would LOVE to do another IUI, but we are talking about $1,000 that we just don't have. In fact, I don't see us having that anywhere in the near future. We do have two credit cards that we could put it on put hubby is pretty adamantly against that.



I guess that we could do a Clomid cycle, which would just cost us the price of one u/s and the medication. My worry with that is whether or not we are just wasting time. I tried Femara for 4 months. We know that it worked, we know that I ovulated on it. Why should Clomid be any different? Too bad I can't get pregnant the old fashioned way like everyone else. Too bad I have freakin' PCOS. Too bad I'm fat and can't loose weight. I hate it. I hate all of it.

Yup, I think I will just go home and go to bed. I was supposed to go shopping to find something to wear to my brother's wedding, which is on Friday but I say F*ck it. I just wear my pajamas.

5 comments:

Chele said...

Hugs CoCo! If you can't afford IUI but you can afford Clomid, maybe you should go for it. At least, you will feel like you are doing something. kwim.

Sending you happy vibes in hopes your week get better. ++++++ vibes that you will soon be pg.

Lucky Jones said...

Ugh, I have been there... I know there really isn't anything I can say to get you out of your funk either... I think the best thing for you to do is go home, get into your jammies, snuggle with your doggie, eat ice cream (rocky road), and watch a stupid movie, something with Paul Rudd..

Too specific? It works for me :) tomorrow will be a better day, I promise!

Lauren said...

Oh my, you sound like I did at the beginning of my cycle. I want to hit someone with my car.

If you were ovulating on Femara, I would probably stick with that. Clomid can thin your endometrium and it creates hostile cervical mucous - you're so dry it hurts to BD. And spermies don't like that.

I understand your frustration. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I say you SHOULD go to the wedding in pajamas. Screw everybody!

AJ48 said...

Oh hunny!!! I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you feel better really soon. If I were you I would just continue to take Clomid (to at least regulate your cycle and make you ovulate) and then in the meantime try and save up for another IUI or maybe even IVF (since the success rates are higher) I dont know how much that would be for you, but dont loose hope. Maybe get a side job waitressing or something to bring in some extra cash?!?!

I understand your frustrations though. It sucks having PCOS!! Hang in there sweetie!!!

Emmy said...

I'm sorry you are so frustrated and having a hard time with things. Love that grey's quote. I hope that you are feeling better soon.