Monday, April 6, 2009

It's break time

Dude, it feels like I haven't posted in for-ev-er. I have a lot to say so I think I will do two separate posts, TTC stuff and everything else.

Once we found out that the IUI didn't work we knew that we had to decide what to do next. We don't have $950 in cash so if we did another IUI it would have to go on a credit card. About 8 months ago that wouldn't have been a problem. Since then we have been spending any spare money we have to get our credit card debt paid off. We aren't there yet but we are closer than where we were when we started. So because of that hubs was really hesitant to use it for an IUI. We contemplated doing just a medicated cycle too. We went back and forth and just couldn't decide.

So hubby finally put his foot down. We are officially taking a break this cycle. While it kills me to think that we are just "wasting" a month, it immediately took a huge weight off of my shoulders. I have been happier and more care-free this past weekend than I probably have in months.

Let's face it, TTC for 14 months straight is just not good for the body, soul, or a marriage. I have gained weight, have horrible acne (for the first time ever), and have huge mood swings. I have been angry with God for the first time, and pretty much closed myself off to him. My marriage has suffered and been neglected. The only thing I ever talk to hubs about is ttc. So much so that he doesn't even really want to be around me. Oh and lets not forget what it has done to our sex life. Beside the fact that we only ever have boring "baby making" sex, I don't ever want to do it unless it is O time. I couldn't even remember that last time I orgasmed.

I don't know how long the break will last. Right now we are just taking this month by month. I do have my moments wishing I was TTC but for the most part I am at peace with this decision. I will be counting on you all though to remind me that this is good for me, when I am whining about how I wish I was TTCing this month.

**I am proud to report that Sunday I went out and bought a push-up, cleavage enhancing, black lace bra. Hubs was over the moon. We had GREAT sex last night and I, dare I say it, O'ed (the REAL O). Afterwards we took a long shower together where we just talked and talked. It was wonderful. Amazing what a break and a little lace can do.... :)


Ophelia said...

:) A break isn't always a bad thing! Sometimes it's really good for you mentally to step away and recoop in other areas of your life that are lacking do to the TTC baby mania. I'm glad it's working for you thus far! {{{HUGS}}}

Lauren said...

Oooooooo ;)
We're not taking a break, but I totally get it. At this point I am really relieved that we can't get pregnant from BDing and that we have to use IUI every month. Because now we don't have to "BD". We can just have sex. And we can do it when we WANT to. Not because we have to.
You made me want to go home and do my husband. Which was on my "list" of things to do tonight anyway:)

Christina said...

Sometimes a break is just want you need. Just have fun and forget about everything!

To A T said...

I agree... breaks aren't always a bad thing hun and sometimes they really help you and DH reconnect to where you were pre-TTC. I know there were plenty of times when Batman wanted to pull the plug on it all because it was making a mess of a lot of things!! Hang in there sweetie! :) (((HUGS)))

PS- Yay for a new push-up bra and fantastic sex!! ;-)

Christine said...

woo hoo for a new bra and the real O!! Good for you!!!