Thursday, April 30, 2009

8x8

I was tagged by Morgan, thanks chica!

8x8

8 Things I Am Looking Forward To:
~Becoming a mom
~The weekend
~The Kenny Chesney concert
~Going to my brother's MMA fight
~Going to bed... I'm exhausted these days...
~Going somewhere for my anniversary
~Someday buying a house
~Getting out of work today
8 Things I Did Yesterday:
~went to work
~went to the gym with hubs
~took Jade for a walk
~watched TV
~tried to convince hubs that I had the Swine Flu so he wouldn't want to "do it".... like I said, I'm tired!
~ate Ramen Noodles
~flat ironed my hair
~nodded off at work :)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:
~have a nap time at work
~get pregnant
~loose weight (ha, doesn't everyone?)
~dance... I'm a white girl :(
~get a better job
~sing
~eat everything I want and not gain a pound
~learn to become an awesome cook

8 Shows I Watch:
~Grey's Anatomy
~Criminal Minds
~Big Bang Theory
~How I Met Your Mother
~The Office
~Private Practice
~Kath & Kim

8 Favorite Fruits:
~Watermelon
~Honeydew Melon
~Cantaloupe
~grapes
~Kiwi
~Pineapple
~Papaya but only if it's dried
~Oranges

8 Places I'd Like to Travel:
~New York
~Alaska (where I was born!)
~Hawaii
~Africa
~Australia
~Scotland
~Brazil
~New Zealand

8 people I'm tagging:
~Not gonna tag you... if you want it, come get it! :)

Monday, April 27, 2009

Zombie Chicks


Ashley over at Baby Steps... gave me this awesome Zombie Chicken Award! She is so sweet! She is getting starting her first IVF cycle and has defiantly exuded the characteristics to deserve this award! Thanks Ashley!


"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…"



Now for my tags:

1. Emmy is one of my newest bloggy buddies. She has been through some really tough things lately and has kept a positive attitude through it all!

2. Even though Chele is no longer TTC she still sticks around to encourage, empathize and cheer us TTCers on. I know it's got to be hard...

3. Like, Chele, Candi is always there for support even though her life has taken a different direction! Fair warning... her blog is addicting!

4. I love reading Junebug's posts! She is super smart and pretty much always positive!

5. Finally, Lynn. I have always had a soft place in my heart for step-moms since my mom was one to my siblings. I know how hard it can be and I love reading about how much Lynn loves her two little ones!

Weekend Rap-Up!

  • The blogosphere has been busy! I was gone for 4 days and came back to 88 unread posts in my reader! Which actually, made my morning, I love reading yall's posts.
  • My "little" brother's wedding was this past Friday evening. I took both Thurs. and Fri. off in order to help out. By Friday night I was exhausted! Weddings are a lot of work!
  • Not only did I sleep in until 11am on Saturday but I also took a 2 hour nap that afternoon.
  • I'm so proud of my hubby! He was told Friday that he has officially been put on the bonus program at work! This is a huge accomplishment! No other manager there has gotten on it so fast! He will get 1% of the weekly revenue, which doesn't seem like much but it adds up!
  • Went to a new "life group" for church last night. We are trying a new thing were we mix the "young singles" and the "young marrieds" a few times a month. I have been feeling torn between the two lately so I really enjoyed it!
  • Hubby and I have decided finally decided what our "course of action" will be this next cycle. We will be doing just Clomid with timed BD. While this break has been really good and relaxing I'm itching to get started again. I'll wait till the end of the week and if AF hasn't shown by then I will call the RE. I'm praying that she will show on her own... my last experience with Provera was not pretty, not pretty at all.
  • I have to leave my house at 8am in order to make it to work at 8:30am. This morning I woke up at 7 freakin' 50! Amazingly enough I made it here on time, I just look like crap!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Pain

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more." ---Me.redith Grey, Gre.ys Ana.to.my


Today has been rough for no good reason at all. I woke up in a bad mood and it has followed me throughout the day. I don't want to talk to or be around anyone. The smallest annoyances make me want to punch somebody in the face. I just need to go home and go to bed because I am exhausted. Sure I went to bed a little late the past two nights but not late enough to make me feel like this. Therefore, I think I am PMSing and that just makes it worse. It doesn't make it worse because I don't want AF to show, because I would gladly welcome some sign of normalcy. It makes my mood worse because that means that we (I) need to make a decision about what we are going to do this next cycle.

ugh

I would LOVE to do another IUI, but we are talking about $1,000 that we just don't have. In fact, I don't see us having that anywhere in the near future. We do have two credit cards that we could put it on put hubby is pretty adamantly against that.



I guess that we could do a Clomid cycle, which would just cost us the price of one u/s and the medication. My worry with that is whether or not we are just wasting time. I tried Femara for 4 months. We know that it worked, we know that I ovulated on it. Why should Clomid be any different? Too bad I can't get pregnant the old fashioned way like everyone else. Too bad I have freakin' PCOS. Too bad I'm fat and can't loose weight. I hate it. I hate all of it.

Yup, I think I will just go home and go to bed. I was supposed to go shopping to find something to wear to my brother's wedding, which is on Friday but I say F*ck it. I just wear my pajamas.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

ABC's

*****Going to Nickelback tonight!!!*****

I was originally going to make my next post about my depressing weekend but decided that since I am over it (for now) there is no point in getting myself all worked up again just to post it. Since I don't have anything else going on I got this from Lynn and Chele's blog. I'm not gonna tag anyone either, just copy it if you wanna!
A - Age: 23
B - Bed: Pretty much my favorite place in the world!
C - Chore you hate: Cleaning the tub
D- Dogs: Only the best one ever!
E - Essential start your day item: Toothbrush
F - Favorite color: Pink and Orange
G - Gold or Silver: Def. Silver
H - Height: 5'8''
I - Instruments you play: Played the flute in middle and high school
J- Job title: Mortgage Data Entry Processor
K- Kids: none................................................................................. YET!
L - Living arrangements: In an apartment with hubs and Jade
M - Mom's name: Elaine
N - Nicknames: CoCo, Coley, Baby cakes
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: too many to count! (had major back surgery and bad asthma as a teenager)
P - Pet Peeve: rumbled bed sheets- they always have to be straight and tucked in!
Q - Movie Quote: "Ah, how shall I do it? Oh, I know. I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives... I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you! Genius, I say! Or, to save on postage, I'll just poison him with this." -Yzma from the Emperor's New Groove (my brothers and sisters and I can watch this over and over and never stop laughing)
R - Right or left handed: Rightie
S - Siblings: Two brothers, 21 & 17, and two sisters, 21 & 19
T - Time you wake up: 6:30 am
U - Underwear: yeppers, bikini preferably
V - Vegetable you dislike: Lima beans
W - Why Not: Duh, cause they taste like dirt!
X - X-rays you've had: both wrists, back, both ankles, lungs, sinuses, uterus, toes, fingers, neck, right hip.... that's a lot huh?
Y - Yummy food you make: homemade chocolate cake
Z - Zoo favorite: I have only every been to the San Antonio Zoo

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Change

It's been kind of a rough weekend which I will post about later when it's not 10:45 at night. For now I wanted to share my "theme song" recently. I will admit that I have always been a Taylor Swift fan but the song "Change" has really resonated with me recently. I can listen to it when I am happy and feel inspired, and I can listen to it when I am down and feel a glimmer of hope. It makes me have goose bumps every time.

I was going to post the video but I can't figure out how so I will just post the lyrics but if you want look it up... cause just reading really doesn't do it justice.



"Change" Taylor Swift

And it's a sad picture
The final blow hits you
Somebody else gets
What you wanted again
You know it's all the same
Another time and place
Repeating history
And you're getting sick of it

But I believe in whatever you do
And I'll do anything to see it through
Because these things will change

Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up
To hold us back
Will fall down
It's a revolution
The time will come for us to finally win
We'll sing hallelujah
We'll sing hallelujah, oh

So we've been outnumbered
Raided and now cornered
It's hard to fight
When the fight ain't fair

We're getting stronger now
Found things they never found
They might be bigger
But we're faster and never scared

You can walk away
Say we don't need this
But there's something in your eyes
Says we can beat this
'Cause these things will change

Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up
To hold us back
Will fall down
It's a revolution
The time will come for us to finally win
We'll sing hallelujah
We'll sing hallelujah, oh

Tonight we'll stand and get off our knees
Fight for what we've worked for
All these years
The battle was long
It was the fight of our lives
But we'll stand up, champions tonight
It was the night things changed

Can you see it now?
The walls that they put up
To hold us back
Fell down
It's a revolution
Throw your hands up
'Cause we never gave in
We'll sing hallelujah
We sang hallelujah
Hallelujah

Monday, April 6, 2009

Birthday Part 2

Our game of choice. If you haven't every played, you should, tons of fun!


My sister, Megan, and my mom


My little brother, Chris


My mom and her dog, Lillie


Hubby! I can't remember what he is laughing at...


My sister, Heather, and me


Hubs chowing on my B-day cake


This is an awful pic of me put it's so pretty of my sisters that I couldn't resist!



Hubs and I in a cake and taco induced coma!

Birthday Part 1

This past Thursday was my 23rd birthday, which we spent with my family. It was very relaxed which was just what I needed!

My sister, new sister-in-law, other sister, brother, mom and hubby (my other bro. had to work)


Me and the babes


My sis, Megan, being gross


The wonderful tacos Meg made us


I can't seem to take a picture and make a decent looking face at the same time. :/


Meg icing and decorating my cake (sorry about the sideways-ness, I'm too lazy to fix it)



The cake only lasted a few minutes b/c she iced it on a hot stove, which is sooo Megan.




Sadly, this was not posed....


Opening presents...




Megan and my new SIL, Holly

Hubs got me Season 4 of Grey's Anatomy on DVD! Yay!

A little of this and a little of that

I've got a lot of random-ness to say so I think I'll do some bullets....

** I wanna give a SHOUT OUT to my buddy Christine who just got her BFP!!! YAY!!!

** I am still living on a broken couch! :( Hubby and I can't seem to find one that we agree on.

** I went and bought two new bras yesterday (see previous post). I always buy them just a tad snug because they always stretch out so much. The one I am wearing today is a little too tight on the shoulders. I def. have red marks.

** The other day hubs shaved in the shower without a mirror. He accidentally shaved a off a corner of one of his side burns (of course) so I had to shorten the other side to even them up. You would think he would have learned his lesson right? Ha! Nope, he tried to trim them himself yesterday and took a big chunk out of the middle of one. Ah, men....

** The allergens here are killing me! I have red itchy eyes, and a boogery nose all the time!

** I stopped the Prometrium Wed. morning and started spotting on Thursday (happy birthday to me! :). By Friday afternoon, all spotting had ceased and had nadda over the weekend. No PMS, cramps, nothing. I called the nurse this morning and she said to give it another week and then call her back if AF still doesn't show. Well wadda know, as soon as I hung up the phone I started spotting again! Hmmm... we shall see...

** I am hoping to post birthday pics either tonight or tomorrow!

** My almost 18 year old brother confided in hubby the other day that "he was almost a daddy" (his words). He said that they didn't have any condoms and he didn't pull out in time. They both freaked so she took 4 pregnancy test a few days later. To my knowledge she isn't pregnant. While hubs was telling me all I could think was "if it were only that easy" and then I remember that it is that easy for a lot of people. I told hubs to give him some condoms because even though I don't condone him having sex I don't think that I could handle it if he got some girl pg. Sad huh?

It's break time

Dude, it feels like I haven't posted in for-ev-er. I have a lot to say so I think I will do two separate posts, TTC stuff and everything else.


Once we found out that the IUI didn't work we knew that we had to decide what to do next. We don't have $950 in cash so if we did another IUI it would have to go on a credit card. About 8 months ago that wouldn't have been a problem. Since then we have been spending any spare money we have to get our credit card debt paid off. We aren't there yet but we are closer than where we were when we started. So because of that hubs was really hesitant to use it for an IUI. We contemplated doing just a medicated cycle too. We went back and forth and just couldn't decide.

So hubby finally put his foot down. We are officially taking a break this cycle. While it kills me to think that we are just "wasting" a month, it immediately took a huge weight off of my shoulders. I have been happier and more care-free this past weekend than I probably have in months.

Let's face it, TTC for 14 months straight is just not good for the body, soul, or a marriage. I have gained weight, have horrible acne (for the first time ever), and have huge mood swings. I have been angry with God for the first time, and pretty much closed myself off to him. My marriage has suffered and been neglected. The only thing I ever talk to hubs about is ttc. So much so that he doesn't even really want to be around me. Oh and lets not forget what it has done to our sex life. Beside the fact that we only ever have boring "baby making" sex, I don't ever want to do it unless it is O time. I couldn't even remember that last time I orgasmed.

I don't know how long the break will last. Right now we are just taking this month by month. I do have my moments wishing I was TTC but for the most part I am at peace with this decision. I will be counting on you all though to remind me that this is good for me, when I am whining about how I wish I was TTCing this month.

**I am proud to report that Sunday I went out and bought a push-up, cleavage enhancing, black lace bra. Hubs was over the moon. We had GREAT sex last night and I, dare I say it, O'ed (the REAL O). Afterwards we took a long shower together where we just talked and talked. It was wonderful. Amazing what a break and a little lace can do.... :)