Thursday, January 29, 2009

Gratitude

Today has not been a great day. I spent about an hour crying at my desk at work. I had an evaluation that seemed like it just kind of pushed me over the edge. It wasn't a bad eval., it just wasn't a good one either. I am basically doing pretty mediocre at my job. I don't know why this upset me so much cause I really don't care that much about this job but it did. I sat here and felt sorry for myself. I felt sorry for myself because my hubby works evenings and I don't get to see him that often. I felt sorry for myself because I'm not pregnant. And on and on.



So, in an attempt to remind myself that my life isn't so bad I am going to start making lists of what I am grateful for. I have a lot of things in my life that other people don't have. I don't know how often I will do it or for how long, but hopefully I can keep it going.



I am grateful for...


  • My God. He continues to love and accept me with open arms no matter how imperfect I am. He gives me so much comfort.
  • My Hubby. While the two of us have more than our fair shares of ups and downs, he is walways there no matter what. And he has this uncanny ability to make me laugh.
  • My family, immediate and extended. They are amazing! I have such close relationships with some of them, I don't know what I would do without them.
  • My baby-dog, Jade. She is ALWAYS there to make me laugh, snuggle with me or lick the tears off my face.
  • My job, even though I don't like it. There are alot of people right now that do not have jobs!
  • My ability to provide for myself. I have a warm house, food, and many luxuries (tv, laptop...)
  • Chocolate cake! My hubby brought some home last night and it really hit the spot!
  • Hot showers, enough said.
  • Sunshine.


Monday, January 26, 2009

Dang it!

I spent the last week crying and yelling at my hubby. Poor poor man. It hit finally hit me that it was PMS. Dang it. I started cramping and spotting today. Dang it!

Onto SA and month #13. Double Dang it!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Honesty

T gave me my first ever award! Thanks T!




The rules:

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.


************************************************************************************


1) I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. Gross, I know. I never ever tell anyone this because I got made fun of quite a bit growing up because of it. I don't know why I decided to show people this when I was little, it was really stupid now that I think about it. Once one person knew though, everyone knew.



2) I am afraid of the dark. It's not so bad that I have to sleep with a night light or anything, it's entering places that are dark. I can't walk across a dark room without turning a light on. I have to practically run from my car to my front door.



3) I have always wanted to "just be a mom". In second grade, on career day, when you were to dress up like what you wanted to be, I wore a dress, purse and a babydoll strapped to my chest. To this day, I can't wait to stay at home and take care of my children. Old fashioned, I know.



4) I am horrible at keeping a clean house. My house is almost always dirty and unorganized. At work, however, my desk is always clean, organized, and clear.



5) My hubby and I got engaged after knowing eachother for only 2 months. Looking back it, it was pretty stupid. Our first year of marriage was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do. I wouldn't change it though. :)



6) I could sleep anywhere, anytime, no matter what. I can never get enough of it!



7) I am big fat cheap-o! I don't own anything designer because I can't stand the thought of spending large amounts of money. My favorite stores include Target and TJ Maxx.

8) I am the oldest of 5 kids and am very bossy (I will only admit this here:). I am constantly catching myself telling my siblings what to do and how to do it. It drives them and my hubby nuts. It's like things like that just pop out of my mouth before I realize what I am saying.

9) I really want to be pregnant but am scared of how soon it will all be over once I do get pg.

10) I am scared sh*tless of snakes and bugs. My brother owns 2 snakes that are 6+ foot long. I cannot be in the same room as them, even if they are in their cage. When we were little he took full advantage of this knowledge. >:(


So I don't have 7 people that read this blog so I will just tag a few!
Christine, Chele, Teresa

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Comments

Apparently no one has been able to comment on my posts! I was just thinking that yall were too busy! :) Thank you Morgan for letting me know! Hopefully it is fixed now!

Monday, January 19, 2009

I hate TTC

It's been a while since I posted. Every time I think about starting a post I get mad. The past week hasn't been a very good one for me. I have started allowing my anger and hurt about TTC spill over into the rest of my life. I have let it effect my work and my home life. The worst part though is that I have let it effect my marriage. For about 3 days hubby and I did nothing but fight or give eachother the silent treatment. I have got to figure out a way to "express" the things that I am feeling about TTC so that I don't spend my life in a bad mood. In the mean time I am working on it, the best that I know how.

Monday, January 12, 2009

TTC History

01/08- Took last BCP! YAY! Surely I will be pregnant in no time!

02/08-09/08 Some periods never coming, some lasting only 2 days.

09/23/08- Start Provera to end a 45 (give or take a day or two) day cycle. Horrible, horrible mood swings and other side effects.

10/02/08- Start Femara to induce Ovulation.

11/02/08- Start 2nd round of Femara. Side effects include daily headaches and hot flashes.

12/03/08- Start 3rd round of Femara.

01/01/09- Start 4th round of Femara.

01/06/09- HSG to rule out fallopian tube blockage. All is clear! Semen Analysis is ordered.

01/12/09- Semen Analysis approved by hubby's PCP but is not covered under HMO. BOO!

01/21/09- Since SA will be self-pay, we decide to wait until next month to do the SA *just in case* I am pregnant.

02/05/09- SA went off without a hitch!

02/06/09- Receive results of SA. Everything looks normal but morphology which is at 27%. Referred to RE.

02/19/09- First RE appt. Diagnosed with PCOS. Repeat SA ordered.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Nickelback!!!

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
(I'm alive)

[Chorus x2]

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died
When nobody died...

[Chorus]

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died









During Christmas time the local radio station had a contest where you had to guess the last four digits of Santa's phone number. You could guess as many times as you want. The prize was two tickets to the Nickelback concert with Seether and Saving Abel opening. I thought "What the heck?" and guessed a few times. I used things like my hubby's and mines phone numbers, our anniversary and birthdays. Once I did I forgot about it and haven't heard anything about it since.

I checked my email yesterday and found a email from the radio station saying that I won the tickets and could come pick them up any time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER win anything! Hubby and I are both pretty pumped about it even though it isn't until April.

(of course it doesn't hurt that I think they are all gorgeous... ;)


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Never say never

I always said that I would NEVER text on my phone...... Now I am a text-a-holic.

I always said that I would NEVER chat on messages boards...... Met some amazing women here.

I always said that I would NEVER have trouble getting pregnant..... Now I am going on 1 year trying to concieve.

I always said that I would NEVER need medical intervention to get pregnant.... I'm on my 5th cycle with Femara.

I always said that I would NEVER EVER blog...... Here I am.


So why now?

I guess that my main reason for deciding to "jump ship" and start blogging has a lot to do with wanting to have a record of this time in my life. I have a horrible memory. I can't even remember my high school teacher's names. I have a lot of things going on right now that I would really like to remember. My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. We have been trying to have a baby for about a year now. I am hoping that once I am past this struggle, this blog will be something that I can look back on and remember this time in my life.